I was a secret drinker too. I drank at home, alone and couldn't imagine being in that situation and not drinking. When I got to the root of that issue, I realized I just didn't like being alone with myself. I disliked myself so much that I used alcohol so I didn't have to face myself. I had to learn to start enjoying my own company before I could get past that hurdle. Now, I like being around people, but I crave solitude as well.