Hi OTB, and glad you're back on the horse today! Like others have said, slip-ups happen. The most important thing is that you learn from them and remember them. Hawkeyes idea about putting a reminder (your OP or something else) often helps. When I get shaky I come here and read some of my initial posts. I also have bookmarked a few that really resonated with me and I read them. I agree that scaring the crap out of yourself after the fact is not terribly useful as it just feeds the cycle of guilt/shame/remorse that your AV LOVES to feast on. Fuel for the fire, so to speak.
However. Coming here and reading some of those things when the urge first hits (which you will get better and better at noticing earlier on) is really helpful as it seems to, at least in my case, kick my AV into submission.
I used to do the same with the drinking all day thing. I would get up on a perfectly beautiful day with all of these grand plans and then find myself with a glass of wine in my hand at 9am and, bam, that was the end of my day. I would wonder how the hell I had gotten there.
For me, I had to occupy almost every spare moment that I had to myself in very early sobriety. It didn't matter WHAT I was doing but that I was doing something. Preferably something that exhausted me. A lot of people here suggested volunteering and that is majorly helpful because you have something to do, are helping someone else, and it's harder to shrug off when you have a commitment to something or someone outside of yourself.
If that initial AA meeting didn't work, give a few others a try. They are all different. I can't stand the preachy/lecture/holy type of meetings but have found some that are totally my style. They all vary.
Best wishes to you and so glad you posted! You sound like you are very self-aware and committed and you will beat this thing, I have no doubt. At nine months sober, I can finally face my weekends with "nothing" to do and not worry. It'll come, I promise
