Welcome to the Board. I'm glad you found us.
He said he loved me & that he would keep in touch but he hasn't & I know for a fact at this facility that they allow cell phone/computer usuage at anytime. I even heard from a friend that he'd been on facebook telling everyone he's sorry for his absence but he'd be happy to answer any questions anyone had...WTF?! ugh sorry but I am extremely hurt. Any kind words or advice or similar experience, please share.
I'm going to be straight up with you: an addict in active addiction is incapable of mature, romantic love. And that's because addiction is an incredibly selfish state of mind and being. You got in the way of a moving truck, and I really, really empathize with both your pain and your confusion.
There is, however, nothing to be confused about if you can look at this from 10,000 feet up: addicts do what they do because they're addicts. They will lie, cheat, steal, and behave in ways that are seemingly sociopathic without any sort of remorse. It doesn't matter what you do for them or how supportive you are. This is what they do. And this is how it will always be until
they decide enough is enough and do the incredibly hard work to not only stop using drugs, but to deal with the characterlogical and cognitive stuff that kept them in that destructive, endless cycle.
Since you've lurked here for a while, you may be aware that some of us are addicts in recovery, and their stories are nothing sort of amazing and awe-inspiring. They are brutally honest about themselves. When you stumble upon these posts, pay attention.
As far as your pain goes, it sucks. And there's no way of avoiding it or getting around it. You have to go through it. And as someone that was betrayed by an addict in one of the cruelest ways you can be betrayed, I can tell you it does get better. All it takes, really, is a decision that you
will get through it, you
will weather all the ups and downs, and you
will come out the other side stronger. This is a choice. You can
choose to stay stuck, or decide enough is enough and put this guy in your rearview mirror until his reflection gets smaller then vanishes all together.
Frankly, you deserve better. So be kind to yourself and start the process of healing. And before you know it, you'll feel better. Trust me.
ZoSo