Yes, I did think that what she said about it being possibly the last time we saw each other was a manipulation. That was how I took it at the time. I also think she knew she was going to go home and drink herself to death and it would be the last time.
She and I were just so incredibly close. We talked every day up until the last few months when she almost completely avoided my phone calls-in part because she was angry at me for getting upset with her and in part because she was drinking and knew she shouldn't have been and I was telling her to go to treatment. She told her friends she wasn't talking to me because I kept bugging her to go.
We were so close, I don't know how to live without her. I just want to wither away. I don't want to go on. I have to because my boys need me. I wish they didn't so I didn't have to go on. I feel severely depressed. Yes, my psychiatrist knows. No, I'm not going to harm myself. I just don't want to be here.