Almost every holiday is now associated with bad memories for me. Thanksgiving reminds me of the times my stbxah was drunk and shaky and he dropped a knife on his foot. He cut open a vein and I had to take him the ER and all the food in the oven that was half way cooked was ruined. He actually did this two years in a row. You would think he would have been more careful after the first time. Or at least put on some shoes if he was going to be drunk and using a knife. The 4th of July reminds of our first year of marriage when he was arrested for DUI while driving home to pick me up to go see fireworks. Both our birthdays were always ruined by alcohol fueled arguments. Nearly every anniversary involved me spending a lot of time getting dressed up for a promised nice dinner and him telling me as we were getting ready to leave he had to run a quick errand and he would be back in 5 or 10 minutes. He would return 4 or 5 hours later drunk and angry that I wasn't still dressed up waiting by the door to leave. I must be a slow learner. Or foolishly optimistic because every anniversary I would spend and hour getting dressed up only to have to day end up the same. We separated two weeks before Christmas last year. I have no other family in this state and spent the day alone. And it was the happiest holiday I had in 10 years.