hopeful4

I usto love this time of year. Fall is my favorite. Then...alcoholism.

It seems like in my head I can tie each and every single holiday with some bender that my husband has been on that has ruined it for me. I HATE the holidays for this reason. I am scared to death that while I am out doing all the stuff we do for the holidays that he will be home swilling it down. Disgusting.

I guess it also scares me because I have decided in my mind that he will have to leave if he chooses to drink again. I know that is quite likely and I hate the idea of ruining the holidays for my girls. He lost his mom and step dad this past year three weeks apart so I know it is going to be an extra difficult time for him this year and I do feel for him and his family for that. I miss them too. It is so sad.

I hate having to tell my family to make sure there is no alcohol there. I hate that I have to worry myself sick about this, starting now. I am trying to make new things to do this year, but there are old traditions that you just dont break.

Thanks for letting me vent. Hoping the Holiday Season passes quickly and uneventfully for all of us.