I can't stop crying. It feels like a big part of me is gone. It's unimaginable. I'm sleeping with one of my son's lovey blankets. Can you fathom that? I'm a grown woman, crying out for my mommy. My husband is going back to work today and I don't know how to be without him. I'm terrified of holding this by myself. I'm terrified of being alone. We hired a nanny to come for the day today and tomorrow. I need her more than I need her for my boys. I don't know how to exist moment to moment with the pain. It feels like a sword splitting me in two, a rock smashing through my brain. I feel like a little girl again, a baby crying for mom to come and help. I know I'm a grown woman, it doesn't feel that way. I don't want my husband to leave and for me to be alone here. I need my mommy back.