Thank you All for writing back and for the advice and encouragement. Things has taken a turn for the worst but that's another thread.
Keepin it real, yes I also have days where I mourn the loss of my husband and father to my kids. I am trying to be honest and not to cover up this drama anymore because the more I try to cover up the more out of control it all becomes.
Lizwig - I am sticking to my decision and I will not take him back unless he is clean, working on his recovery and has a job. I am done cushioning his fall he has to feel the effects of his addiction.
Pravchaw you are right I cannot share with family because they do not understand. My mom has bipolar and is schizophrenic and telling her will just make her sick. My brother is to perfect and he warned me against marrying my husband and look how things turned back so I cannot at this point handle the I told you so and look what a mess your live is - speech I just cant. I have a great friend who also came out of a relationship with a Meth addict and she has been my greatest support. And then I have friends who's dad was a coke addict so they understand its easy to share with them.
Hopeful4 you are right, people know anyways and here we are trying so hard to hide what is so very obvious. My AH went to see my brother and begged for food n money and I told m Bro not to help him but did not tell about the addiction my bro said well I know you have problems and have had them for a while now. So even though I was playing 'happy family' when my bro was visiting he could pic up that all was not well. I just want to get it off my chest now.