Addiction slapped me in the face. I had never been exposed to it so it took me FOREVER to recognize my AH is an alcoholic. Literally years. I come from a small town and we all drank in high school. In college I was a social drinker, met my husband at a bar (surprise). What floors me is that he was not a big drinker until he met me, nice eh? He says the difference is I grew up and could leave it, he could not.
I would say it has made me very mistrustful. I watch my family like a hawk, him because I am scared of relapse. My children because I don't want it to happen to them and I watch for warning signs even at a young age (DD is 14). It made/makes me avoid situations with alcohol because it makes me so mad I cannot expose myself to it,
even though I dont have a drinking problem. I just missed my 20th high school reunion b/c I knew everyone would be drinking and I just cannot be around it.
I am an expert at smelling and finding alcohol. I can log onto my bank account and check debit purchases in seconds. I can just speak to my AH on the phone and know if he has been drinking at all, I don't even have to see/smell him. I ALWAYS KNOW. It amazes other people as they had no idea.
It has twisted my stomach into knots. It has made me depressed and angry. I now take Prozac. My hair has turned gray at a very young age (my sister 4 years older does not have a gray hair on her head). I don't sleep well. The list goes on and on.
HOWEVER...THERE IS HOPE. Because I have made some recent changes in my life and some decisions about my future, I feel more in charge. I feel like life may be stressful my God will protect me and my girls and we can make it. I am not letting addiction rob another day of my life, not another second of mood swings and bad behavior from me because I am reacting to his problem. I am in charge of me and I will take charge of me with the support of friends, family and God.