O honey, I feel for you and your children. What alarmed me in this post is "I cannot talk to any family or friends."
You are obviously overwhelmed and stressed. I put myself in this same boat with my alcoholic husband. Over the past summer I decided to not be quiet about it anymore, I don't cover for him anymore. I have told his dirty secrets to my family and his as well as friends. You know what, they knew anyways! Imagine my surprise to find out I was not fooling anyone and all that time I had taken all of the weight on my own shoulders w/out asking from the help of close friends and family. Yes, I attend Celebrate Recovery for support, but it is not the same as calling my mom or sister.
Please do not isolate yourself. Being the partner of an addict can be so lonley, do not let that happen to you. You are not alone and do not have to do this alone.
Good Luck and God Bless!