So where do we go from here?
We go forward. One day at a time.
Today, I'm thankful that I have a civil relationship with my qualifier. Despite our irreconcilable differences and separation we still talk on a daily basis because we have children together. She's been diligent with AA for over a year now and is able to co-parent. When we do talk it's strictly business regarding the kids. Dentist and doctor bills, pick up and drop off times, clothing needs and school events. I don't think either one of us are truly ready to start digging into amends just yet but that's okay. There will be other days for that. For now I keep my issues in my rooms while she confides with her sponsor.
I hate watching the news. In my opinion it's simply a showcase of how horrible humans can be. The other evening I was picking up the kids from her and she flipped on our local channel. She always turns it on when the kids are leaving. The police busted up some crack trap on the other side of the city and the news was there interviewing neighbors about it. We gave each other uncomfortable glances for a second because it triggered us both. She used to spend time there, not that particular one but another. The first time we dated I would drive her there, then after we had our first child together I'd go trying to drag her ass out. Finally I gave up and let her find her own way.
She broke the awkward glances with a simple smile, a nonchalant shrug and said "Well... I'm glad I don't ever have to go back there." while she folded some of our daughter's clothes that she was sending home with them. I smiled back.
It's all choice.
We don't ever have to go back. Once you're aware you're a participant and able to get off when ever you choose.
We go forward.