Hi again everyone. I have posted recently about breaking up with my alcoholic binge drinking partner. It's been 4 weeks now and I'm still feeling awful. My heart wants him back but my head knows better. I was only with him for 6 months so I feel I should be starting to let go by now. I guess the fact that I have had to have contact with him hasn't helped, about possessions, money etc. the last time was on Sunday night when he came to drop off something to my daughters boyfriend (they work together). He still owes me money for some bills he said he would help me with, and as I couldn't get any sense out of him by texting I went out to his car to ask him myself. Well of course, he had been drinking and his smart ass comments turned me into the "psycho" that he is good at doing and I went off, calling him a drunken f...head. I hate myself when that happens, I feel like I'm just dropping to his level. Then of course I have really down days following, wondering whether I have done the right thing, will I ever, at 50 years old ever find love again etc etc. I guess I do still love him. When he wasn't drinking, I couldn't ask for anything better, but the drinking just turned him into someone else and I couldn't live with his unreliability, disrespect and awful behaviour. I seem to have had a whole heap of things go wrong since we broke up, my father has been sick and in and out of hospital, my daughter injured herself and had to spend a night in hospital and has needed help and my best friend is in a critical condition in a city hospital. Not only that, but as I have said previously in my post, I have financial worries, trying to survive now that he's gone on 20 hours per week work, I'm unable to do more because of my own health issues and I only get a very small amount from Social Security as well as my small wage. I don't have a lot of support, my children are all grown and doing their own thing and I don't have a lot of close friends. Im booked in to see a counsellor on 22nd November. As i live in a very small town, there is not a lot if services and theres a waiting list.It is just so so difficult, I miss him so badly, the good parts anyway, and I feel so alone. When does it end??!!!!
