Originally Posted by
hwga1977 
i so effectively shut the outside world out in what i saw as an effort to protect us that i isolated myself from everything.
Welcome to SR.
I wish to lend my voice of support to you, hwga1977. I, too, gradually isolated with my binge-drinking BF, believing I was his only life-line, that without me he would surely die. He had several, very scary health episodes, including falling, black eyes, black outs, seizures - drinking that left him nearly comatose.
Like you, I felt terrible guilt at not being able to protect him from his self-destructive behavior.
I do finally understand, deep down in my very soul, that I never could love him enough to banish the alcoholism. His only hope lies in loving HIMSELF enough.
Please continue to take care of you; reach for any and all support you can find. If you do this, you will slowly emerge from what we call the FOG (Fear, Obligation, Guilt - sound familiar?) and YOU will begin to heal, regardless of the choices your boyfriend makes.
We're here for you.