newguy22

I'm really hitting a low point in my life. I have never been a sloppy drunk or someone who drinks throughout the week but I have had substance abuse problems since I was 14.

I never drink Sunday through Thursday and I have been able to hold down a steady job as a Web Developer for several years. The problem is that Friday and Saturday I drink enough for two weeks.

Every Friday I buy 2 fifths for myself and I always find myself drinking them both by Sunday morning. The sad thing about it is that I never binge. If I did, I would probably just tax my liver once and then just pass out. But no, I just drink a steady amount of liquor so that I am consistently buzzed and continue this for hours on end. I have several times, finished a liter of Tanqueray single handedly in a span of 12 hours. My tolerance is to a point now where I actually plan on drinking more than a fifth and so I buy a 6-pack or a bottle of wine in addition. This has been going on for almost 3 years.

I can feel my liver ache day to day and I know I am killing myself but I just can't stop. I don't drink because I am depressed or because I want to be more sociable. I drink because I thoroughly enjoy being buzzed and it makes everything that much more fun, especially since my tolerance allows me to stay strongly buzzed for extended periods of time instead of getting the highs and lows of binge drinkers.

The sad truth is that the only thing that may help me quit would be to start smoking MJ again, because my alcoholism skyrocketed after quitting it. Unfortunately, that will lead to yet another dependency.

I don't even know why I am making this thread. I guess I just want some reassurance.