JJ, so very, very glad you made it and even gladder you found a good meeting and felt that relief of being among others who understand.
Your post choked me up, remembering my first meeting. I also cried thru much of it, and in fact, it was 2 meetings back to back, a "beginner's meeting" and then the regular meeting immediately following it.
What led up to it was my AH marching into my office at home (I'm a transcriptionist) at 10 on a Sunday AM after a couple of days of him not drinking, He announced that he was going to the liquor store and I couldn't stop him. He did as he said. I finished work about noon and went to my sister's house for the afternoon as I had no desire to be around him. When I returned later, he was clearly drunk and belligerent. I went into my office, thinking I'd work an hour or two just to not be in the same room w/him. I couldn't focus, though, and instead looked up Alanon meetings. I found the beginner meeting starting at 6 PM, followed by the main meeting at 7. It was like I was possessed--I flew out of the office, threw on a coat and hat and grabbed my car keys and wallet and ran for the door. He looked up from the TV long enough to ask where I was going. I said "I'm going to Alanon--I can't do this alone" and left.
At the beginner meeting, I cried on and off throughout. There were 2 Alanon old hands and maybe 5 of us newbies. They drew straws for a copy of "How It Works in Alanon" and the gal who won the draw gave me the book instead, saying it seemed like I needed it the most. Well, the crying that happened after THAT made what came before seem like a mere warmup! At the end of the meeting, one of the old hands walked me into the bathroom, helped me straighten myself out a little, and then walked me into the main meeting and sat with me.
I don't know that I have ever experienced such kindness, such a warm welcome, such acceptance from complete strangers before. It made all the difference to me. I began to feel like maybe there WAS some way I could live thru this.
So in a nutshell, that's why I so strongly suggest that people at least give Alanon a try--and again I am SO GLAD that you experienced that sense of relief. Thanks for sharing this and helping me remember what it was like.