Recovery question
I have been gone from our home for over 6 months now. The first couple months were hard for both of us. It was an emotional rollercoaster. I tried all the begging, ignoring, pleading, to try to force him to an epiphany. Then I had my own epiphany. I wanted control of my emotions. I started running for exercise. I performed CBT. I changed my negative thought patterns into positive ones. I socialized more. I have even began looking into my own spirituality. I learned to love life again. I feel stronger everyday.
I love him. I wanted to show him how much I have changed for the better and how amazing life really is. We started hanging out together. He would open up to me in ways he had never done before. This encouraged me and gave me a great deal of hope for him. I am an intuitive person, and have the awesome ability to see someone to their core. To their true self hidden away by actions and material things. He has an amazing soul.
I try to live every moment of everyday by the strict moral code ingrained in my own soul. To live with compassion and kindness. I have become more aware than ever before with this awakening. Although I did this all for myself, I know he was encouraged by my optimism and love.
Well he disappointed me again. His good friend, who just recently got out of jail for dealing drugs and weapon charges, asked if he could move into my Ex’s house. This friend is his closest friend, and the one he did the most drugs with. My ex did not come out and tell me about his friend wanting to move in. I only found out because his friend’s Probation Officer’s business card was on his dishwasher and I asked him about it. At that moment I snapped. I reverted back to my old ways. I cried and yelled. But I was able to quickly recover. I calmly told him my feelings on the matter and that I trusted him to make the right decision for him.
3 days ago his friend moved in. He tells me that he really thinks his friend will get better if he is given a chance. And my Ex insists that this will not affect his own recovery.
We have a toddler together. I told him our son will not be able to visit him in his home while his friend is staying there. I also informed his other sons’ mother about his friend moving in. She was upset and apparently is not allowing their twin 7 y/os to visit this weekend either. I don’t think a household with 2 “recovering” addicts is a safe place for kids. Fortunately, since we were not married, and I haven’t file for Child Support, I have sole custody by default, and he has no court ordered visitation. I told him he may visit the child in my home only.
The only real things I have seen as evidence to his recovery is that he is trying to distract himself from using, by reading, video games, movies. And is trying to be more open emotionally. He mentioned baby steps. I see this new roommate situation as a giant leap backward. I told him not to contact me unless he was serious about recovery and getting better.
What are the true signs of recovery? How do I know if he really means it when he says he “will get better”? Obviously now he isn't in recovery, right?