Thanks everyone for your advice. I just feel a bit like my eyes have opened to all the real dangers and consequences of my drinking. I do have a lot of thinking to do and figure out what the best way to do this is. At the moment I have absolutely no inclination whatsoever to have a drink. I know complacency will creep in and I must be vigilant but I just can't keep doing this (2 bottles of wine mostly every night and trying not to eat much as I don't want to put on weight!)
I think the change in my thinking comes down to realising that I am taking care of myself by not drinking and that drinking is not some kind of reward. Before when I tried to stop I just got angry all the time because I felt deprived and wanted to be 'normal'.
Take care everyone x