I guess my question after all of this is, "What are my next steps"? I know I have a problem with alcohol and I know that I don't want it to control me to the point that it already has. Do I find a 12-step program and start working the steps? Do I try moderation first? Do I go another route and start in-patient recovery (not really an option for various factors)?
A part of the problem that I have is alcohol abuse is really frowned upon in my chosen area of study. We get fingerprinted, drug tested, interviewed, background checks, credit checks -- you name it -- every so often as part of my continued education. If anyone would find out that I had let it progressed to this point, I am afraid it might mean I was kicked out of my program.
I have *never* treated a patient or gone to clinicals drunk, buzzed, or otherwise impaired for any reason. It is against my personal moral code. However, I don't want my drinking to progress to the point (thank God so far it hasn't) that I might get to that point. I couldn't live with myself if I was to hurt another human being in a clinical setting due to my alcohol abuse. Not to mention, I've told myself that I have invested too much time, money, energy, grades, and tears to let that sort of thing happen. Best laid schemes of mice and men I guess..
Anyhow.. thoughts?