MK Start over. Dump the pills and start over. I did after a relapse and I found out that I couldn't use again. You can do it. You now have the knowledge that you can't use and what it leads to. Cold turkey it again. Get someone to help you do it. You have done it once. Do it again. Been where you are. You are gonna have to give up the self loathing or you will never stay sober. It happened. Now do something to fix it.