Originally Posted by
bluebelle 
I stopped doing holidays with my FOO 8 or so years ago. It was Christmas Eve, and we had to call the cops to get my mom out of my grandparents' house.
How awful - so sorry!
Originally Posted by
bluebelle It seems a lot of people struggle at holidays--relatives tend to act their worst when there is a crowd gathered.
Yes, had our share of those - annoying as all hell. For a few years at least one holiday a year ending with Sister #1 in a rage and speeding off in her car after saying she was going to go kill herself and we'd never see her again. Ooooooo, the drama. You go numb to THAT after a while... who would have thought that was even possible...
Originally Posted by
bluebelle So, my suggestion is that you start your own traditions for you and your kids for the holidays. Your mother and two sisters can go ahead and be involved in drama if that's what they want. You don't have to take part in it.
I wish I felt like that was an option right now... I mean I know technically I could just stop taking part... but I don't want to hurt my mom or my dad - they've been hurt so badly already by my 2 sister's ridiculousness, and they'd be soooo upset if I stopped coming for the holidays. I'd feel so guilty... can't bring myself to do it. Despite my mother overdoing it now and then, she's never been an alcoholic... neither of my parents has, and they've never done drugs or anything like that. So I kind of feel like since they've been through so much already with my sisters, how can I abandon them at holidays?
My mother is the queen of enabling my sisters.. but I don't feel right abandoning holidays with her and my dad (just sucks that my sisters are a package deal with them)
And then there's my brother - he's also a "responsible one" like me, and has never touched drugs, doesn't drink to excess... thank goodness I have one normal sibling. But if I stopped coming to family things, I wouldn't see him much either since he lives out of town, and only comes in for those things... so I don't know...
Maybe I'm crazy to continue with these holiday charades... I don't know....
I already cut sister#1 out of my life as much as possible - she is not invited to my home for b-days, or anything else for that matter - she's blocked from my e-mail and Facebook too. I did that because she used to be so hateful towards me - couldn't take it anymore.
Sister#2 is minimal contact... she's always asking to come over and visit because she "misses you and the boys". I manage to keep them to a minimum, only once every month or two... but I find these visits difficult because she is hiding from me who she really is in terms of her drug/gambling/alcohol and whatever else issues. She pretends to be normal when she comes over, and it grates on me since it feels so fake to me.
Originally Posted by
EnglishGarden You are not overreacting to your family's sickness and the pretense of warm connection which is demanded by the holiday.
Thank-you for saying that!
Originally Posted by
EnglishGarden When we betray ourselves, it depresses us profoundly, if we have any integrity at all.
Crazy how that is... how the fakeness can bring on a depressed mood. You'd think I could just play along with the pretense of "we're all just one big happy family - yippee!" and forget about it... but no... my brain doesn't work that way dang it.
Originally Posted by
EnglishGarden But you are yearning to walk a path of integrity and authenticity. So I hope the breaking free will allow you to actually, truly, break free.
Well, at least I can break free for a while... will be such a relief to not have to deal with it.
Originally Posted by
overit263 I'm sorry that they induce that much stress and irritation. I feel your pain.
Thanks for your understanding!
Originally Posted by
overit263 I have alcoholic parents and I had to stop doing holidays, then eventually everything with them. They never wanted to get better, don't think they have a problem, and alcohol is always the fix it for whatever your ailment! They think it's okay to drink with my sister that is on anti-anxiety/depression meds. I tried having a relationship with them, and every time, the same results, so I just had to stop. They can all communicate with me via email, but that is it.
So sorry
