I'm also sober (22 years) and hope you get out of this relationship fast. There's a saying in the rooms: "relationships are like pouring miracle grow on our character defects" and boy, is it true. Have you told your sponsor you're involved with an active addict? Remember, this is not a rational disease, alcoholism is "cunning, baffling and powerful." Because I did the same thing years ago I can tell you you're risking your sobriety. You may also want to look at the fact that you're even debating staying with someone who has treated you without respect.
Sorry to be so direct about this, but our lives are on the line.
When we get sober we automatically looking for a "substance" to ease the pain of living life without anesthesia. Food, shopping, gambling and putting the focus on another alcoholic so we don't have to deal with our own stuff. I got into a screwed up relationship with another alcoholic (sober) who was incapable of having a relationship and it was torture.
A hug to you.........