AO, I don't see it as a lie. I see it as the realization that seems to happen when we are really ready...that it that it is not a grand public gesture but rather an intense, private decision that manifests with a series of small decisions that often go unnoticed by the outside world.
I think that is why coming together helps, because we have to navigate in the big world and we can't scream "I WANT A GLASS OF WINE RIGHT NOW!!". It is having to travel among others who are not wrestling with this, especially early on, that makes this so hard. I see a lot, a lot, of courage on SR. And I see way more honesty than I normally expect in the outside world. People come here and freely admit their weaknesses, flaws, struggles.....I don't see any lies in your struggle, at all. It is your journey, and you are well on your way. The potholes and bumps that you hit along the way make it more personal, and when you look back, it will be those hurdles that you had to navigate that make the smooth sailing all the much sweeter.
I have all the faith in the world in you my friend. You have so much wisdom, you can do anything you put your mind to....xo ao!