Good point KE. I often say in regards to addiction, "we teach them well" (not that battering has anything to do with addiction). With addicts, they learn from how we react. If something angers us and makes us withdraw, they stay away from that. And, if they see something that pulls at the heartstrings, they will use that to further their addiction. But, on the other hand we can also feed into their shame and guilt by just a look on our faces, or a reaction in our eyes.
One of my besties finally got out of an abusive relationship recently. Zero drugs or alcohol involved. I never liked him and told him the day of their wedding if he ever... The first year he was financially abusive, the next year was verbally abusive. I told her over and over "it's coming". And, it did, and she hid it, then justified it. Dang if this doesn't shake me up just writing it out (should/could I have done more, but nobody ever knew until after the bruises had healed). And, it happened again, and again. It wasn't until her dog died an untimely death that she fled.