Great article CO. The thing I found interesting is how the "perpetrator" minimizes or blames drugs, upbringing, stress, or his (or her) significant other for the various offenses. What is even more interesting is how the SO uses those same excuses for the perpetrator's offenses. A form of denial? Or has it just been told to them so many times that they actually believe it?
It is learned through:
• observation.
• experience.
• culture.
• family.
• community (peer group, school, etc.).
It is also learned by being allowed to get away with it time and time again. Abusers do what they do because IT WORKS. If they didn't get away with it, they might actually UN-learn it. This brings up the question of whether the SO is a "victim" or a willing participant.
I mention this not to bring up a controversial perspective. No one--ABSOLUTELY NO ONE--deserves to be treated disrespectfully or abused. But I think it's an important question to consider.
gentle hugs
ke