FireSprite

All that little stuff can be crazy-making distractions. Could be he's drinking just enough to stave off the shakes, could be his body is just handling the detox differently than before, could be that you notice it more or less or in a different way. The amount of mental energy spent trying to figure it out though - ENORMOUS sacrifice on your part. It took me f.o.r.e.v.e.r. to understand that! It was the longest time into my recovery before I saw how I was holding myself back in my own recovery by "attaching" to stuff like that.

Stuff that I couldn't control anyway. Stuff I couldn't prepare for, nor should I have had to.


Here's something to consider - at some point (& I know we're all different so I don't know if this resonates for any other posters...) at some point it became VERY clear to me that there is a huge, HUGE amount that I will never know. That I can't know OR understand simply because as a non-addict, I operate differently.

There's a percentage of what he went through as an active A & also how he deals with his recovery that I will never, ever, ever truly understand.... no matter how many ways different A's describe it, no matter how many books I read; I will never have the perspective of being an A. There are some times when the best I can do is to say, "I have NO understanding of that feeling/action/etc" and learn to let it go & not beat myself up trying to MAKE myself understand it. I simply never will!