Thank you all...I know fully that the path I take is not the right one...and every other day I say...I won't do this anymore...I do have an amazing husband and son (mid 20's) but I feel like i'm a prisoner in my head....I almost feel like years prior I was able to outrun how I felt....I was diagnosed with Lupus 2 years ago and a brain tumor and it has slowed me down...and the slowing down and well arguing about my mothers care has brought it back to a head...my sister is an unmedicated manic depressive.....she is 10 years older than me...I was ok for years...but I feel like i've been hit from being with a truck....and actually it has hit me at once...its always been at the back of my mind but I didn't say anything to keep the family peace....I just am not strong enough to keep up that facade anymore...