Hi. Welcome, I understand living with sexual abuse. It never disappears from memory. It DOES NOT DEFINE who you are though. It is hard and unfair and inescapable. I could never drink it away. I think being abused taught me to be passive and dismissive about my needs. So when I sensed I was becoming an alcoholic it was something I did nothing about. Just kept drinking and wasted a lot of my life. I am glad that you are here taking some action to save yourself.