BlueChair,
Everything you said is correct, and I am going to do my best not to take anything he says personally. I know he is sick, really sick, and that this is only the beginning. He has a long way to go. Hopefully he won't give up. I told him that if he continues to get help, I will be there every step of the way. He's done this before with his ex, and refused inpatient rehab after detoxing. That wasn't enough for her either, and eventually she ended the relationship and moved on. Not until she started dating someone else did he finally go to inpatient rehab. But it was too late to save their relationship, and when he lost her he lost his daughter as well.
The last time we saw my step-daughter was in February. We were at a Mardi Gras parade party and she was there with her neighbor and her kids. We didn't even know she was going to be there, and she just ran to my husband when she saw him. She's only 6, but she is smart enough to know who her Daddy is even though we haven't seen her often over the past few years. He was so happy to see her, yet it crushed him. I know his feelings about his daughter and not being able to see her at all anymore is really eating at him. But that's not the root of the problem. There is another demon he is battling, but what that is, well none of us really know. He doesn't know or he doesn't want to face it. Either way, until he is completely clean and in safe and healthy environment, he won't be able to face it. That is why I believe inpatient is the best place for him. My home is not safe, I can't watch him 24/7. And that's not healthy for me either. Always having to look over my shoulder, always worrying if today is going to be the day he will relapse and abuse drugs in our home again. I can't take that chance right now.
I am glad your husband decided to get the help he needed, and hopefully he will continue to do so even after inpatient rehab. There are lots of misconceptions about what it really takes to not only stay clean but WANT to stay clean and continue recovering from addiction. It is a LIFELONG process. Inpatient rehab doesn't just make the addiction go away - they will be addicts for the rest of their lives. In order to stay on track they have to have follow up treatment, like outpatient treatment, therapy, getting a sponsor, and going to NA or AA meetings. And they have to do this FOR THE REST OF THEIR LIVES.
But it can be done
At this point, I am no longer pushing him to do anything. I am letting him make his choice on his own, and then we will take it day by day from there. That's all I can do, right? Maybe he'll be thinking a bit more clearly in a few more days. I still have hope!