pride and pity....not a good combo! work on releasing those thoughts.
in my last marriage, we were both in recovery when we met, stayed that way for years, got married (he asked, I didn't know how to say NO) and then I started drinking again. HE wasn't awful, but I was living a life I didn't WANT. I remember getting ready to make the turn down the cul de sac, chanting please don't be there, please don't be there, and then.....seeing his truck in the drive. and I had about half a block to suck it up, put on my happy loving wife face and go act like there was nowhere else i'd rather be.
I plotted and planned my egress. 7 years. got our finances in order, got my daughter thru high school and safely settled into college. I ran a spreadsheet, my income, his income, the house expenses, what my expenses would be out on my own and one day....the numbers said I was good to launch. and away I went.
every day I felt like I was dying a little inside. it wasn't his fault...I COULD have left at any time. but that would have put us BOTH at a deficit.
make your plan. shore up your defenses. gird your loins, as they say.