What am I even seeking in drinking ?
I have been struggling with cravings for the last few days. All over the place. My brain feels like it's broken and trying desperately to sabotage my best efforts.
I started to wonder what exactly is it that I'm trying to find in alcohol ?
It no longer offers the mental reprieve it once did. That was gone years ago.
Metabolically it has reeked havoc on my overall health and well being.
Psychologically it tailspins me for atleast a week now, causing not only anxiety, but depression that is borderline unbearable.
Yet I am still obsessed with what it ONCE did for me. It hasn't been any kind of balm, or social lubricant or reprieve or anything other than constant misery and woe for longer than it served me.
I'm so confused. I should be smarter, stronger, wiser. But the cravings continue. Taunting me with the promise of ABSOLUTELY NOTHING POSITIVE.