lillamy

The justice system is nowhere near perfect, especially for juveniles, but Carlotta's advice is good. I hear so much anger in your posts. Anger at everyone except your son. And I can relate to that. My children are younger, their offenses not criminal, but I do blame their alcoholic father for breaking them emotionally; I blame myself for not having given them what they need to be functioning teens and young adults. You blame the penal system. Same thing, different outside force to lay the blame on.

There are so many different things that contribute to making us the people we are. But, as I said to my high schooler last night, ain't a thing in the world another person can do to help you if you don't make the decision to help yourself, darling.

I think that's all people are saying, Upset. That the power really is in your son's hands to turn his life around. That every morning we wake up, despite what life has thrown our way up to that point, we have a choice. To continue on the path we're on or to find a healthier one.

And that's al Al-Anon is saying to us, too. I know that "God helps those who help themselves" is not in the Bible, but I do believe that God can't help those who don't want help. God works with the willing, regardless of how much of a wreck we may have made of our lives.

And that's what I've done. Put my life out there and said "God, I made a mess of this. I made a mess of my kids' life. Help me. Because when I was trying to be in control of things, it didn't turn out so good."

Regardless of whether you stay with your church solely or give Al-Anon a try, I pray you find what you need. And I will tell you what I have said many times before -- having a spouse with an addiction is horrible. Yet, I believe having a child with an addiction is so much more difficult for a person. And so I pray that you will find peace, whether or not your son gets his life straight.