Itchy

I have three years and that part of chibears post makes it plain how I hung in there easily as the horrors I put myself through were stronger deterrents than any cravings were attractants for me. But that doesn't answer the question.

Guilt and pain from past deeds do recede with two things. Time, and self respect. The self respect comes with beating the cravings and behaving like an adult, not running away from our problems by trying to be a party animal. I was drinking for physical pain as well as dulling the guilt and shame from drinking away the pain guilt and shame!

How dumb was that? I drank to forget what I did the last time I drank to forget what I did the time before that to drink and forget the time before that and on and on ad nauseum.

Only us alcoholics could possibly justify our relapsing daily by bemoaning our behaviors while drinking. Realizing this early in my sobriety I realized that:

"Alcohol provides us an avenue to run away from all of our problems . . . except the results of using alcohol. <sigh>"

I was drinking away the results of my last night drinking, which was last night!

You are inherently decent. Get to know that about yourself again, let your imperfections be your individualism, let your freak flag fly. Feel like a freak sober? Gather other freaks to your life.

I am not losing my mind, alcohol already took it away. I am just picking up the pieces and trying to put them back together again. Some of the pieces are missing. So I get to make new ones that fit in the whole.