You all have some painfully eye opening points!!!! Love all the feed back & thank you! Funny how I troll through this fantastic site, learn soooooo much, and find myself in a mini melt down of my brain hurting over the crazies, to throw it all out there hoping for relief! Relief comes in your responses bringing me back to reality. I'm certainly my worst enemy after all these years of learning what to do and what not to do. I'm just so exhausted. So sad. So alone & isolated. Absolutely have come to the point that I actually hate the person I have become. Have no clue who I am anymore, have no joy in my life, I'm robotic & numb to everything daily, sometimes wish I had a mind/mood altering substance I could get hooked on so I wouldn't feel this pain inside of my skin. I used to think I just lived in this quicksand and couldn't get out - now it feels like cement and I'm forever stuck! Suffocating on my own pain. Mind you if that wasn't enough I have had physical pain for 25 yrs, but I ignore that pretty good, otherwise it would consume me as well.
So not sure what I have accomplished in sharing all of that. I do want to say thank you for the responses. My husbands antics in our community has made it impossible to have friends. So I keep all of this bottled up. Thanks for listening. Feel like such a loser!
I am going to start reading my Alanon books, codependency books and try to find some way out of this cement!!
((((Hugs))))