WeHav, I'm sending thoughts of strength to you and your partner. It sounds like she is going through a lot and is reaching out for help. That's a good sign! I don't think we ever need to stop growing even when we become elderly. As long as we leave ourselves open to change. I've heard that humans are capable of many changes and that it typically comes in spurts: a period of change (big or small) is then followed by a period of integration where we start to integrate the changes into our normal lives.
DD, I think Toots' thoughts are right on in so many ways! I think there are things the docs can do if they are aware there is an issue. This is not a time to withhold info from your doc because it can hurt you. I have had two surgeries in the past 4 years. Luckily they weren't outrageously painful but I was concerned about pain meds. Years ago I taught myself self-hypnosis for pain control and that has helped me a great deal. I did take a small quantity of pain meds and was ok but I did a lot of "self talk" and stayed very aware. That might not work for someone else! I still think it is a very risky thing for me.