The Final Hideous Stages of Alcoholism
Hello:
I am divorced from my AW after 18 years of marriage but I still love her. She lives in her own apartment and she has been drinking herself to death on vodka. I am so powerless over alcohol, I mostly feel SAD that it has crushed a kind and gentle woman.
She is like a child in many ways, with a simplified version of the world, a wounded dove who just wants people to love her. I have no idea what kind of misery she has inside her, that makes her care so little for herself.
Today is the 2nd time in 10 months that she is inches from death because she no longer eats any kind of food. She just drinks vodka, soda, and a little milk and juice. For food she eats hard candy. Any meal put in front of her, she will take at most one small bite.
At various stages along the rollercoaster ride, she has been sober, strong, and vibrant -- literally like an angel. I was amazed by her genuine goodness during a memorable 2.5 year sober stretch after she dodged the grim reaper in 2008.
But then after that, for some reason she pulled the plug on sobriety and here we are. Today I found her on the floor of her apartment, naked, face down on the living room carpet, unable to get up, too weak to stand, unable to put one foot in front of the other, and NOT because she was drunk!
Not drunk. Starving to death. Organs shutting down. Wincing in pain, because she has a "stomach ache".
So what do I do? I cried, emotionally breaking down right before her eyes and begging her to let me take her to the hospital. She doesn't want to go to the hospital, she says "not yet". I answer: "it's not horrible enough for you yet? What are you waiting for?"
I try to detach. It's basically impossible. I love this woman. She is probably going to die. Maybe even wants to die? This is just the worst. It is outright mental illness and talking to someone who is delusional. This disease kills. My AW just turned 44 years old.
I'm just here to share and vent. I know so many of you understand. Most people do NOT understand. This is so awful, Lord help me and my poor AW.