I used to get in the middle of the relationships between my son and my daughter, my son and my husband, my son and just about anyone. And I would get the brunt end of everyone's anger and frustration. Why? I was only trying to help. Right? No.....I was expressing opinions where none was needed or welcomed. I was making judgements were none were appropriate. I was providing answers when questions weren't asked. I was taking sides when the battle didn't belong to me. I was trying to regulate their relationships.
Sometimes all we need to do is listen without comment. And that's hard to do for a mother. Sometimes we feel like they are coming to us for answers yet they don't really ask any questions.....but we give them answers anyway.
It has taken me a very long time to realize that I was still trying to mother and regulate adults......and it took me a long time to stop offering my opinion and simply answer with "I'm sure you'll figure it out." or "I see." or "I'm sorry to hear that." Particularly when no specific question was asked.
I still step into that dog pile on occasion but not like I used to. Once I discovered that my life got easier when I wasn't trying to regulate others AND the bonus was that I couldn't be blamed for a poor outcome or for taking sides. It was liberating.
gentle hugs
ke