Bluechair I can understand everything you are saying. As one other said, it is your path to walk and your husband has his path as well. You both are trying to recover from everything that has happened. There are no time tables for one to follow on drug abuse recovery and infidelity. My husband, when drinking years ago, cheated several times. Years later our marriage is better than ever. Of course he didn't want to talk about it or deal with it at the time because he knew how much he hurt me and the family. It took therapy, lots of conversations and his proof by actions to bring us where we are.It takes TIME. The only thing you can do is the best of your ability. What is good for you and your husband will be good for you both, not necessarily someone else. Everyone is different! I think everything you are feeling is very normal. You are doing the right things though and going to therapy will really help you deal with all these different feelings coming at you. I remember feeling like my emotions were changing minute by minute sometimes. You will "move on" when you are ready to. As for him not telling you how he was feeling, aren't some men like that in general? They do not talk about their feelings like we women do? I like the contract idea and asking for what you need is a great way to start the discussion of what is needed in your marriage. Do not be afraid to ask for what you want and need from him. Forgiveness will take time and work, but with sobriety and working together you may find it is better than you hoped. Try not to be so hard on yourself for feeling all over the place. Again, that is normal and it may be like that for awhile.