Morning of day 4, question about smoking
Day 4.... Last night was really hard. I couldn't get the idea of relapsing out of my head. It was almost like I was trying to sabotage my success. Or, maybe I was torturing myself on purpose to test me. I kept thinking and imagining getting a bottle and drinking the whole thing then playing out in my head the shame I would feel. For the first time I recognized that yes, I could have hidden it from my husband but not myself. That's what kept me from stopping at the store or a bar. I also realized I am not ready to be on fb because so many of my posts are of drinking. All of my friends that drink in moderation were posting about being out and having a good time at some fantastic drinking establishment. I felt panic at the thought of being online anywhere other than my sober recovery site. I had a hard time going to sleep. Maybe because I had a diet coke at 8:30 pm or chocolate cupcakes at 9 but I couldn't fall asleep. It was 12:51 when I turned my lamp off. I woke up a lot, had horrible dreams about alcohol and woke up at 8:15 felling terrible. As the morning progresses, I feel groggy but better. I am relying on cigars a lot when I'm feeling anxious. However, I think on day 10 I will start trying to quit. I feel more confident about my success with smoking because of my small victory with alcohol. Any words of wisdom about when to stop smoking? I don't think I can do it now but after I get through the detox period??? I don't know...