That hooking line about how the addict doesn't deserve such a good woman:
It is one of the most powerful manipulative statements an addict can make to a significant other, and it is manipulative because the addict knows precisely what he'll get in return: sympathy, a relaxing of boundaries, gratitude (believe it or not), and a deal. The deal is that she will continue to be a doormat and he will continue to treat her like one.
When we allow addicts to do what they do and then to keep coming back and doing it again and again, then we are martyrs.
And martyrs always have an underlying agenda. They control other people by being NICE to them and then expecting loyalty in return. ("After all I've done for you" is the martyr anthem. And why did she do all that? To get something she wanted and to make things go her way. There is always self-interest at the core of such self-sacrifice for an unbalanced and unhealthy relationship).
When I hear someone say to any woman who is involved with an addict in an unhealthy and destructive relationship, "You are the best woman he'll ever find", I believe it just adds to the codependent's illusion that the addict is the one who is messed up and she is the saint. I see it over and over in Al-Anon meetings.
With recovery, as cynical one was trying to point out, we look at our own rationalizations.
Someone cannot have power over us unless we give our power to that person. It all comes back to us.