Wow. What can I say, so many people with their own issues taking the time to post and support me. It is humbling. tangningsheng - you are so right that I love my wife more than alcohol. I do hope she sticks by me but I have hurt her in so many ways (I do not mean physical, I would never do that).
BUT as CaiHong says I cant turn back time. I just need to SHOW that I am intent on recovery and achieve that and the rest will follow. Whatever that may be I can only aim for the best outcome that is possible from this day on. My wife is coming to the therapist tonight which will be tough, as we will be raking up my last relapse at the weekend; but i need to see it as part of the process.
Also, my wife has told my friends and family about my problem. I find this incredibly uncomfortable, shaming and embarrassing. At the minute I feel it is adding to my depression but I know it is the right thing in the long run and necessary...
I went to a support group last night (one that I had been claiming to go to for weeks but had not). It was really positive and a great quote was made: "Only I Alone Can Recover, But I Cannot Recover Alone." I believe that applies to my wife loving me enough to give her support at this stage of my recovery whatever happens in the future, and to my friends and family finally knowing I have a problem, and especially to all of my new friends on this forum. I am pledging to myself to soon be in a state and place to be able to return your generous support should you need it. Thank you all.