I wouldn't want to go through the first month again.
The highlight was the new friends I found in AA, they made me feel welcome and gave me hope.
Other than that I could not sleep because the skeletons in my closet came out dancing every time I closed my eyes. I had tremendous mood swings, feeling good one moment, then feeling like the world was coming to an end the next.
Sweats, shakes, lack of appetite. Tremendous fear at times. Sore skin.
Unable to get out of bed in the morning, dreading each day.
My selfish, instinct driven, behaviour lead me into conflict almost daily.
No friends would talk to me and my family openly expressed the view that I was not sincere in my efforts to recover.
When I went out, I had a fear of running into people I had harmed, who might want revenge. I was constantly looking over my shoulder.
I was deeply ashamed and could not speak in the AA meetings. I couldn't string a sentence together. I just sat down the back and looked at the floor.
Deep down I did not believe I would recover, I felt very undeserving of the kind words and encouragement offered by the AA members.
I just hung in, one day at a time, following suggestions to the best of my limited abilty, too stupid to argue, and in the next month or two I began to get better.
I see now that everytime I tried to stop on my own I copped these horrible symptoms. Being sober was, in my experience, absolutely horrible. That is until I began to apply AA principles in my life, then sobriety became a joyful experience.