Learning to take care of myself has been the hardest part about getting sober. It is weird because I was thinking about this today. I felt really good because I had done loads of exercise the day before (my version of loads of exercise which was running round with the dogs for an hour then a yoga class
) and it was so different from how I felt before.
When I was drinking I didn't exercise because I suffered from a lot of panic attacks so I associated an elevated heart rate with anxiety. I definitely had a self destructive streak too, but I think as much of that was about watching me heal too, to feel pain, physically was reassuring somehow. I was a self harmer before my drinking days and I know that was as much about watching it heal, and at some point I realised I was treating my hangovers in the same way. Sounds messed up when I write it down.
The progress has been slow for me, but maybe not that slow considering how long my destructive behaviours lasted. I am 19 months sober or thereabouts and I have gone from a chain smoking daily drinker who lived off pie to a vegan teetotaller non smoker who occasionally does some mild exercise
That is a million miles away from where I was. The best thing is I don't feel like I am being 'good'. This is becoming my new normal.