I think now that the dust is settling from the multiple break-ups, I see what behavior I was actually tolerating. When in the middle of the relationship, everything was about him. I shrunk in the presence of him and his addiction. Now I see what he ACTUALLY did without making excuses for his behavior. Now I feel the pain after suppressing the anger. I agree that it would be best for my health to work through the negative emotions. I jumped ahead to gratitude, forgiveness, and acceptance sooner than I was ready for it without ever validating my anger. The anger is just something I have to face now, and it does not rear its ugly head through any sort of emotional outbursts. It shows up primarily as anxiety and this unfamiliar manic state I have been in since coming home. I think like you all said- I just need to keep moving forward. I have never given myself permission to just be done. I have said I am done for now but never done for good. The only thing I would change was breaking up with him in angry manner. Not that it matters.