Welcome, Marty. Don't beat yourself up too much. There are millions of us with the same problem you have, and it doesn't make you a bad person. You can learn to beat the bottle, there are resources to help. SR is one. AA may be another. AVRT has worked for me. The biggest thing you need is a sincere desire to stop.
You may want to look into medical help for the withdrawals.
Don't lose hope, Marty. The fact that you stumbled doesn't matter as much as the fact that you're trying. If you're willing to keep trying you will eventually succeed.
