Keep the plan. That is the best thing you can do. And yes, it hurts so hard knowing that you screwed up so badly that you can't reassure them anymore. That is the worst part to me, that I lost their trust. Believe me, I know exactly where you are coming from. But you know what makes yourself feel better, and what will be the best course of action? Working on yourself, and REALLY committing yourself to never have that drink. It seems like you can't, but believe me you can if you put yourself and your marriage ahead of that bottle. The best thing you can do is to be humble, realize the damage you've done, and to *show* her that you are making amends. I made so many promises that my words don't mean anything any more. The best thing to do for any chance of getting back together with my partner is to do what needs to be done: Heal for myself, stay sober, and get back to a life worth living where you love yourself.