I hear you both LMN and PC- there are no winners and it is unfortunate. It does not stop me from the sense of "I am better than this" to keep from getting sucked back in. Maybe it is more a matter of that I DESERVE better versus I AM better. But just saying I deserve better in my head sounds righteous and feels like I am setting myself up for failure. I still feel the wall I have built by telling myself I am too good for him is keeping me away from him. It is how I came to block him from reaching me. Now I want to drop the anger and righteousness but it does not feel safe yet.