I can very much relate to what you are saying. The same "perfect set". And secret wish to break bad.
Anyway,I don't think it's downward flaw. Rather my inner true self is desperately screaming to be let out of "built-to-be-perfect-and-please-everyone" prison.
Advise? I just can tell what's finally started to work for me.
When I've started journey to my true self, with little baby steps, getting to know who I am vs. who I am expected to be. It's when I stand my ground without being bothered whether I look like a 'good girl" or a "b***" - then I'm "breaking bad".
When I face my long-rooted fears and make a step ahead - then I am braking bad again. And it gives so much more than "breaking bad" with a bottle, which is, IMHO, just a media-imposed BS.
Don't be hard on yourself. One day at a time)