Broke bad years ago .... Secretly
Thanks, Colagirl. I believe the root of my issue is that I feel the need to be perfect in every way, to everybody. I cannot bear the thought of others seeing me as flawed. So, I secretly "broke bad" years ago. Google the phrase if you're not familiar! LOL
I was always the kid the other parents wanted their kids to hang out with, always the perfect employee, the perfect girlfriend who didn't make waves. But in my inner life I was a rebel, a drug taker, an alcoholic, a cheating partner. Yuck me. But I have a perverse thrill with this because I'm doing something contrary to what everyone expects.....
I'm working to correct this flaw. It's not pretty. Advise?