I Guess This Is My Story
After a painful childhood, I discovered grass at the age of 16, and thought I had gone to heaven. By 19, I was smoking almost every day, and it began to control my life. It came before college, my boyfriend, my friends, just everything.
By the time I was working full-time at 23, it was everything. Nothing but nothing was going to get in the way of me and my choof.
I lost my job, and then the next one, and I spent every waking moment trying to work out how to score. This went on until I was 30.
That was when, whilst working in a factory, 'cos I'd stuffed up every chance to be the academic I always wanted to be, I decided to quit.
So guess what happened then? From the very next day, I started drinking. And boy could I drink. So much chardonnay, rivers of the stuff.
So then I got caught drink-driving, twice, actually. Got so bad that I couldn't work any more, and fell into a deep depression.
This went on for years. I tried AA, got clean for a while, and then started smoking all over again. Eventually, by the age of 38, I landed a pretty decent job in publishing, and ultimately messed up so badly that they fired me. And started drinking again.
More AA, then more smoking, then a stint in NA. Now I was 40. Somehow I managed to pull up a bit, and got another OK job. Guess what? Got stoned, and got fired. I think I went back to NA, and had a few good months. Then rinse and repeat. Same old me.
It wasn't until I was forced to do a course for my job network, that I trained to become an aged-care worker. Then my mum got sick. Very sick. Alzheimers, vascular dementia, severe rheumatoid arthritis, and a few other things. My dad couldn't cope. So my older sister and I decided that I would become their carer.
It was truly a blessing. Had I not messed up my life, I would not have been in the position to help. So I did, for 3 years. Still smoked, still drank, but not so that anyone noticed. (Honestly, it amazed me, but no one knew).
But when my sister took it all away, and put them in a nursing home in February 2012, I went from bad to worse.
So bad, that I lost my family. I was nuts...I couldn't cope with them.
My mum died without me being there, and for the last 5 months of last year I was completely suicidal. My boyfriend kept me alive. And Little V.
I came here to SR in November, but it wasn't until February that I really knew I had to get clean and sober or I was going to die. I was turning 50.
And I was shattered.
So I did...I actually had stopped smoking the week before I got here, and I stopped drinking on Feb 3. Feb 4 I started posting, and joined chat,
and I have never looked back.
The chat room saved my life, and then everyone else here did too.
OK, I guess I just told my story.
Amy said it would happen when I was ready!!
So much love and gratitude to everyone at SR,
Love Venus xx
PS. I turned 8 months sober yesterday...so miracles really do happen! ♥