Originally Posted by swissmiss75
Has anyone here *successfully* lived through the recovery process with their alcoholic and/or addict S.O.?? What did you go through? How long did it take before you saw changes in the way you related to one another? What resources have you found to help you on your journey? How did you strike the balance between self-care and loving someone else?
My wife and I are both ACOAs, and we met in recovery. We had each been recovering for a couple of years and became friends after seeing each other around the rooms. Soon we realized that we were dating and that this had been a natural progression built on our friendship. For me, it was the first relationship I hadn't manipulated my way into... We've been together for nearly nine years and married two-and-a-half.
Recovery works, but it takes time and effort. Al-Anon, to me, is all about relationships: the relationship with myself, my Higher Power and the other six billion people on this planet (and the animals, insects, plants, etc.).
My relationship with my wife isn't always easy, but it's always honest and it's built on two things that were noticibly absent from my previous intimate relationships: love and trust. Each of us apply the Steps to our personal growth, and together we apply the Traditions to our relationship. In our home, that's how it works.
For me, the "how-to's" of a successful relationship boil down to three words:
Meetings
Meetings
Meetings
As it says in the Al-Anon Adult Child literature, my problems may have my parents' names on them, but
all my answers have
my name on them. I find those answers in my 12-Step fellowship.